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Local News
Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed
Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. Many had been puzzling for weeks why “traces of horse DNA”, rather than [Read More]
Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup
Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, relying instead on stories lifted directly from social media. In a test of the [Read More]
New School Thief-Proof
South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft measures. Motorists on the A428 have been watching with interest from their daily [Read More]
Citizen News TV
VIDEO: Fags, Horses, & Frozen Water
As the country ground to a halt due to an inch of slush this weekend, your intrepid Citizen reporters took their reasonably decent camera out and FOUND THE NEWS. Then we [Read More]
Cooking With Beans
Cooking With Teens: Poor Man’s Carbonara
We got a couple of 15-year-olds in to share their recipes. Benny T. Bean is away. [Read More]
Cooking With Beans: Spotted Dick
Resident Gastronomical genius Benny T. Bean guides us to pudding heaven [Read More]
Cooking With Beans
You all know Benny T. Bean as mysterious astrologer and South Central correspondent. But [Read More]
News In Brief
Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup
Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, relying instead on stories lifted directly from social media. In [Read More]
Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”
Local supermarket managers have spoken out about the recent spate of theft of sparkly French booze, revealing that the so-called Champagne Shoplifter had “little or no [Read More]
Local Couple Not Planning Baby Or Cat
An Eaton Ford couple have stunned friends and family by announcing that they do not intend to have children. The revelation came following a three-year relationship which recently [Read More]
Features
What Price Luxury?
Dear Uncle Dave, I have a rather interesting dilemma. I have recently found reason to suspect that my teenage son has been thieving from a large supermarket on the Eastside. I was completely oblivious to the fact he was doing this and assuming that the Finest Wine, Finest Cheese and Other of theĀ Finest products were [Read More]
Marrowdope
Resident gastronomical-astrological tramp Grubby Pete, otherwise known as Benny T. Bean, guides you through the cosmos or [Read More]
Help Me Break My Chav Habit
Dear Dave, I am 29 years old and addicted to sex with chavvy girls. I hang around the ramps, One Stop andĀ Co-op in [Read More]
Dream Job Dilemma
Dear Dave, I have a dilemma. I have been offered my Dream Job. But the location is bound to cause a problem with my family [Read More]





