Summer Water Shortages Hit St Neots
Anglian Water has announced that the record sunshine (4 hours, 22 minuts and 14 seconds) experienced in town over the weekend has evaporated the reserves that the company has worked so hard to conserve over the past three years of continuous rain.
Although spending just over £3bn of taxpayers’ money and £1.33 from Anlian’s profits, the reserve tank capacity of 260.53 litres has proved inadequate.
Anglian spokesperson Hugh J. Bowness commented that “Once again the public of St Neots town – and let’s not forget those greedy villages – have succeeded in completely emptying Grafham Water by flushing the loo more than twice a month.”
Questioned over the unethical stance the company has taken in replacing the old mains with 0.001mm diameter pipes, he added “Our demographic studies show that St Neots is full of people who only drink beer and don’t wash, so why should they need water anyway?”
Asked whether Anglian would be introducing an immediate hosepipe ban, Bowness reiterated the company’s policy of “banning each and every hosepipe regardless of anything, absolutely anything.”
He continued – off the record – “…unless you’ve paid us a massive hose license fee and then you can leave it running day and night for all we care.”
Anglian Water can be contacted on 0871 CHRISTIMTHIRSTY. Calls charged at £20.00/second from BT landlines – calls from mobiles will cost considerably more.
