Farms Refuses To Reveal Mystery Parish Location
Madcap local councillor Bob Farms today refused to reveal the location of his mystery parish Eynesbury Hardwick.
Despite signposts to Eynesbury Hardwick, it has long been believed that the area is fictional, much like Crosshall. However, in a statement today, former town council member Farms said, “Claiming that this parish is fictional is stuff and nonsense. On stilts. Or something taller than stilts – a ladder perhaps?” When pressed on the location of Eynesbury Hardwick, Cllr Farms said “follow the signs and you’ll get there won’t you.”
Parliamentary laws dictate that when an MP wishes to stand down they cannot simply resign and must apply for transfer to a fictional constituency, such as the Chiltern Hundreds. It is believed that Eynesbury Hardwick is a similar get-out for people who would like to still be councillors, but are unlikely to be voted for.
A spokesman for Farms said “What crap. Cllr Farms was voted in to this parish council, which meets in the parish itself, fair and square by one hundred per cent of the population of Eynesbury Hardwick.” the Citizen pointed out that the number of voters registered is zero, but Cllr Farms’ assistant was adament that “over 17.2 votes were counted, making Cllr Farms 15 times more popular than Derek Miles who seems to think he’s the Prime Minister or something.”
Meanwhile Cllr Miles offered a “large reward” – believed to be in excess of half a Rowley Million – to anyone able to locate Eynesbury Hardwick. “I’m so sure Bob’s gone mad that I can happily offer this money I don’t have,” said Miles today. “I have great affection and respect for Chairman Mao. I mean, chairman Bob.”
The search continues.
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