St Neots Large Hadron Collider Mix Up Solved
Further to the earlier report that St Neots was home to worlds most expensive catherine wheel, The Citizen can now exclusively reveal the source of the misunderstanding.
What had actually been spotted was a Small Colander Divider (SCD) in the latest Bettaware catalogue. Used to separate peas and sweet corn when being heated, this revolutionary product allows Particle Physicists the luxury of cooking both at the same time without risking the potentially devastating collision of these two highly volatile legumes.
Some experts believe that even the action of stirring these two tea-favourites in a saucepan could result in 5mph accelerated collision and the instant formation of a “yellowy-green hole”. This spectacular natural phenomenon could mean the destruction of literally 2 or 3 pinnys or at least an extra hot wash with Cillit Bang.
Local inventor Bark Maddingly who came up with the idea of the SCD suggested that his machine would either confirm or deny the existence of the “Chips Frozen” or “Cod particle”. This hypothesised particle appears for only an instant after the collision and could well throw the whole theory of whether fish, chips and peas should have sweetcorn on the plate.
Former Den Dragon Titus A. Duxarrs commented “What a load of crap; these two veggies should always be mixed so I won’t be investing, I’m out”
He was backed up by local celebrity chef Oliver Jammy who said, “You jus can’t rule out mixing fings together, iss da futchar; I’ve been puttin all manner of stuff in them Wybo Big Max for years and no one’s moaned.”
Professor Steven Hawkings was unavailable for any understandable comment.
