Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – A St Neots Epidemic?
Latest research has shown that the populous of St Neots now has the largest proportion of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder sufferers…in the world!
The syndrome, variously described as “stropy little git”, “thrush (irritating c***)” or “vicious bastard” disease, affects approximately all the offspring of the towns socio-economic status classified “D” and “E” groups. Exactly how St Neots achieved first place in the study is still a mystery but as ever The Citizen managed to find just over 20,000 residents prepared to give an opinion.
Dave Scummus, 67, from Lammas Way said “pure and simple son…it’s them London over-spillers. They’re everywhere, come up here taking our jobs, breeding like rabbits, no wonder the kids can’t behave”. Asked if he had lived in the town all his life Mr Scummus replied “No I come from Enfield but that’s not London, not proper London anyway. And I’ve been here over 40 years, so my old china, I am well local now!”
Freda Sixtoes, 107, remarked “I moved to this part of London years and years and years ago and them kids… what was the question again?” When we pointed out that St Neots wasn’t anywhere near the capital Miss Sixtoes replied “Anywhere south of Friday Bridge is London, that’s what my Dad told me!”
Ady Aichdee, spokesperson for the charity “Do-Gooders Trying to Make Out It’s OK for Chav Kids to Misbehave Because Some Quack Wanted Their Name Attached To a Disease” said, “Oh yah, like these kids like deserve something better yah? We er… kinda let them have their freedom man..you know. This is a real disease right and yah it only affects lower classes because they are lower class right?” At this point Mr Aichdee was stabbed in the thigh by one of his charges. He is expected to make a full recovery.
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