Citizen Returns After Internet Loss
The St Neots Citizen finally resumed publishing today after St Neots successfully escaped from the 1950′s.
The town had been stuck in the past for over a week following a small power cut. Local man Danny Saunders, 22, said he did not enjoy his Wednesday evening after both Virgin and Sky services failed, leaving him stuck with four channels. “I couldn’t even get Channel Five for some softcore,” moaned Saunders. “I couldn’t believe how shit only having four channels was. There as news on three of them at the same time! I’m used to being able to watch Scrubs or Friends on three channels at the same time!”
The power cut also affected Citizen Towers. “I was elsewhere at the time and didn’t know there had even been a power cut,” said editor Tim C. “But it screwed our router and I had to get BT to send us another awful homehub.”
The power cut was, of course, attributed to CERN and their “Big Bang Machine”, the Large Hadron Collider, which is rumoured to be under St Neots. Spokesman Guillaume la Trec said, “Although I am pleased zat we are back in ze news after disappearing off ze radar, I am really getting fucking fed up of you dickheads sinking everything is our fault. A small power cut is hardly ze end of ze known universe. Bollocks to the lot of you.”
