St Neots To Become New Centre of Skiing Excellence
Hot on the heals of the Town Council’s hugely profitable and highly successful (possibly) 851 screen cinema complex, St Neots is set to become the country’s premier outdoor real snow ski resort.
Based on the work of local climatologist Hayley Weston (19), St Neots’ location in the centre of the country will see it become the hub of a projected new ice age. Ms. Weston was employed by the council to investigate the possibility after “fragile” Councillor D. Miles reportedly “felt a bit chillier than normal” on several mornings last week.
We caught up with Ms. Weston yesterday evening as she entered a local St Neots night-spot. “Fuck off you perv! Unless you wanna get me a WKD Blue” she commented. When we explained, the former Longsands pupil added “Oh yeah that Miles bloke gimme an award last year ‘cos I knew where England was in geography. He said it made me an expert; then last week he come up wiv a few quid to do me research and I found a website wot said there was definitely gonna be a right cold snap in the next 6 months”
When we approached the Town council for a comment they reiterated Ms. Weston’s findings that a cold snap could definitely be viewed as the beginnings of a new ice-age. Especially as several “expert” Swiss, Austrian, and Norwegian firms had confirmed the research and would have no trouble in installing ski-lifts all over the place for a fee of about a Rowley Million (£8.21).
Our reporter challenged the lack of suitable mountains in the area but this was dismissed by the Town Clerk as “petty-minded negativity and typical of the lack of support from the residents”. He continued “have you seen that Paxton Hill? It’s bloody massive!”
Weatherman John Kettley was unavailable for comment.
