Sausage Wars – Council Hits Back
Fresh from his glorious victory in getting retail giant Tesco’s to drop their petrol price by 0.427p/lt for a day, Town Councillor Steve van der Steven has set his sights on an even more prestigious crown.
Using the knowledge and skills he has gained from getting the County Council to paint a fence that they were going to do anyway, Mr. Van der vanda Van Driver has waded into the cross town furore over the price of a sausage.
“My Grandad is 126 years old and puts his longevity down to a daily sausage.” He added “Now he can afford to fill up his Allegro he finds the savings gobbled up by the price of a battered chipolata. It’s blooming wrong!”
Manager of the “Deep Screw” chip shop at the centre of the scandal, Bucky St. Irtloe, said “We’re part of a national chain of fish retailers and our prices are designed to help people empty their wallets as quickly as possible. We believe that we have delivered on this promise to the people of St Neots. Now do you want a saveloy or not? If not, piss off!” Our reporter declined.
Mr. van Winkle has vowed to keep the pressure up. “I’m writing to our local Parliamentary member, Jefferson Jingjongjangally, in the hope that his input will give Deep Screw a taste of their own curry sauce!” He added “I’m only here to serve the good people of this town…hang on… the name will come to me in a moment…that’s it; St Neots, and has nothing to do with me getting my name in print…nothing at all…not bothered about personal publicity one jot…really…at all…have you got my best side?”
Harry Ramsden was unavailable for comment.
When it comes to sausages, it’s all about bang for buck. Or in this case, banger.