Hole Appears In High Street
A large hole has appeared in the centre of St Neots, causing concern and outrage amongst local traders.
The hole materialised over night last week and there was initially some confusion amongst local councillors that it might be the same one that had been existing for some time, undetected in the Town Council’s budget.
Image ©Reuters
Cllr Julia Wayward commented, “There were several thousand in Blackburn, according to John Lennon, and it didn’t do them any harm. I really think this puts St Neots on the map.”
A team of professionals were dispatched to verify the existence of the hole, and after much deliberation for at least three minutes, it was decided that it had actually been there since 1980 and no one had noticed.
Local trader Barry Chuckle said, “I can’t believe it’s been there all this time. We’ve been losing trade for nearly 30 years and no one noticed.” Another town centre business owner, Niall Bittern, said “This hole is a menace to us all; it’s so big you could easily lose a three piece suite and an occasional table in it.”
Councillors in the town hope the hole will fill itself in at some point and normal trading will resume. Cllr Steven van der Van Driver commented that “until the hole has been properly identified and blame apportioned the Town Council would be looking into it. This will involve leaning over it; I hope nobody pushes me.”
The Citizen considered blaming CERN, and their machine of doom which last year was found to be located underneath the town, but decided that joke had most certainly been done to death.
Story by Adam Douglas
