Council To Install More CCTV
Huntingdonshire District Council today announced plans to install “even more CCTV cameras all over the place” as soon as possible, after the supposed success of a new webcam monitoring the building of the new dump in St Neots.
The current household waste recycling centre – more commonly known as a tip – is due to close in October, and be replaced by a new indoor facility in Cromwell Road that apparently smell at all, despite basically being a warehouse full of rotting garbage.
Cllr Tony Orgee*, county cabinet member for “the environment and all that jazz”, said “This new camera will allow people to use the internet to keep an eye on the work going on at this new state-of-the-art facility and when it is finished, check out how busy it is before they leave to use it.” The County council hopes that the new state-of-the-art facilities will encourage people to recycle more.
However, it is much more likely that the camera, which is already online, will be used as an excuse by sedentary locals not to visit the new facility on account of it being busy. “This’ll be great,” said Eaton Socon man David Devise, 42. “I’ll be online and the missus’ll say ‘take all that crap down the dump’, and I’ll be able to take a peek and say ‘nah love, way too busy’. Then she’ll make me a pie. I can’t fucking wait.”
The District and Town councils alike backed the camera as a “bloody good idea”, and said they would not hesitate in installing more cameras at multiple locations throughout St Neots and Huntingdon. “We’ll put them in swimming pools, car parks, shops, the Riverside park, pubs, all sorts of places,” said renowned Twitterer cllr Julia Wayward. “Anyone looking for an excuse to stay inside will now have one – and vice versa.”
It is thought that the move will cost local businesses such as the Priory many tens of pounds, as people choose to stay in if they see the venue is too busy – or too empty. Part-time barman Liam Hills said, “Yeah it’s shit if it’s quiet innit, but people stay for one or two drinks and eventually it gets busy. With these new cameras, you might actually be able to get served after 9pm without a fifty-minute wait, and that ain’t right is it.”
Claims that the cameras may be used by sex pests to spy on whatever their particular target group may be were quickly dismissed. “They don’t generally know how to use the internet,” said cllr Terrence Dougall, “and I myself think that if there was a pervert watching the swimming pool then we would catch him pretty quickly when everyone wearing red arm bands had to leave.”
No councillors were prepared to comment on the fact that this situation could be avoided by not installing cameras in the changing rooms.
