Local Hospital to Pilot New NHS Cock-Up!
East of England health Chiefs have been given the go ahead to appointment a private management team at Hinchingbrooke Hospital.
In a statement to the Citizen local health authority spokesperson, Kim Stonely-Bolton said “That bloody hospital has been a pain in neck ever since that dick-head built a hotel (treatment centre) and helicopter landing pad (canopy) a few years back. That place is in debt and therefore residents of local towns like St Neots owe, yes owe, the NHS £40million and we want it back! To do this we’ll be franchising out management to the team who can divert as much money into our coffers as possible.”
Local newspaper magnate and champion of the St Neots underclass, Thundoplolus P. Staker commented “they’ll be fucking lucky if they get 40p out of our chavs let alone £40m. I’ll be pushing for heavier drinking, more assaults and drag racing so the A&E gets fully utilised.”
We asked Mr Stonely-Bolton exactly how it would be more cost effective to pay a private team. “That’s easy, they’ll have to employ the useless fat wankers already in post. Then they can come down on the work-shy bastards like a ton of bricks, force them to leave and get a load of Filipinos in on minimum wage. Close a few departments and hey presto, everyone will piss off to Bedford and Cambridge and we can close the place down.”
Aneurin Bevan was available for grave spinning.
Great – very topical!