St Neots Gets New Dump; Huntingdon Angry
Huntingdon residents were today up in arms after they realised that the replacement for their beloved Buckden household waste site was in fact the new St Neots tip.
St Neots residents have a long-standing history of demanding the Council provide them, in favour of our neighbour to the North, with facilities over which they have no control – cinemas and big-name shops for example. “We thought we’d placate the whinging population of St Neots by providing them with this big new tip,” said district Councillor Elaine Lancashire (Lib Dem). “Let’s face it, Huntingdon is a fucking tip anyway and you don’t build a canal on a river do you.”
“This isn’t fair innit,” squawked Oxmoor chav mum Leanne-Lorena Law, 15. “My Kev is gonna have to drive down to Filthy Neots to chuck out all our assorted rubbish now, it just ain’t on, I mean we’ve got six kids to think abaht.”
More professional regular users of the ring-road were cautious about the plans. “I do a lot of gardening,” said Hartford Road resident Gillian Baker, 51, “and the waste doesn’t fit in my green bin, so I take it to the tip. If it’s in St Neots, I think I might just have to bung it in a lay-by or something in the dark. Balls to driving down the A1 I say!”
St Neots residents were indifferent. “I really couldn’t give much less of a shit,” said Eynesbury Manor resident Darren Honsley, 41. “It’s not like either the new or old dumps are walking distance, so if they put the new one in that skaggy hole up the road then it wouldn’t make a great deal of difference.”
“Well this is a typical reaction isn’t it,” interjected Cllr Lancashire. “You all piss and moan about how Huntingdon gets all the good stuff, we give you a warehouse full of rotting trash and you still aren’t happy.”
Lancashire’s St Neots Lib Dem colleague and former town Council leader Derek Miles added, “Bollocks”, while self-thinking Eynesbury councillor Terrence Dougall was said to be excited at the prospect of Huntingdon residents visiting the town. “Once we have a regular influx from Huntingdon, we’ll build a ring-road and pedestrianise the High Street.
“All the shops will shut down, and with any luck people from Huntingdon will feel so at home they’ll stay and spend all their money in the three remaining local businesses. All of which will be pubs.”
Cllr Julia Wayward, notoriously the only councillor who ever speaks anything resembling sense, was unavailable for comment.
