Exclusive! Council Build Massive Bin
The St Neots Citizen can today reveal exclusively how HDC is planning on hitting its waste recycling targets for the next year.
We gained access to a secret testing facility near Abbotsley, thought to be in Cllr Bob Farms’ mythical Eynesbury Hardwick parish, and managed to take a photo or two.
It is thought that the contraption, which is essentially an enormous household dustbin, will be used by the Council to process unrecyclable waste – including that which they cannot be bothered to recycle – to avoid sending it to a traditional landfill and thereby receive increased Government and EU subsidies.
“Brilliant ruse,” mused former town council leader Derek Miles of Eaton Ford. “Instead of sending everything to a big pile of garbage it’ll be stored in these three-storey bins, in a warehouse, and it’ll just look like it is ‘awaiting processing’. Genius!”
The height of the bin seems to be roughly that of the upper level of the new Cromwell Road tip, currently under construction. This would allow residents to empty all manner of crap from the back of their car directly into the receptacle, where it is thought that the rufuse will be compacted by “some geezer jumping on it”.
It is understood that when each bin is filled, it will be sealed and left out the back of Tesco, where local chavs will hopefully set fire to it, allowing for incinceration without all the associated paperwork. “I think it’s a bit daft to be honest,” said Weston Court resident Nora Thampton, 32. “If the council want to burn rubbish without a license why don’t they just say that someone dropped a fag-end in the new tip or something?”
Rumours also surfaced that HDC plans to construct a wheeled version of the monstrous trash can, and provide one to every household – making fortnightly bin collections a thing of the past. An unnamed contact at Pathfinder House said “usually when people talk about abolishing bi-weekly collections, they think we’ll go back to picking up their unwanted waste every seven days. With these new bins, every seven months is a more realistic timescale.”
The council had no official comment.
