Rubbish Weather In August Shocker
St Neots residents today expressed surprise and upset that the weather this weekend was slightly less than summery.
On both Saturday and Sunday, the town woke up to a windy yet sunny day, only for it to cloud over by lunchtime. Despite the fact that this is typical British summer weather – especially during a bank holiday weekend – it took everyone by surprise.
“I can’t understand it,” said Linclare Place resident Orson Hedge, 52. “It’s August, and it’s a bank holiday, and it’s the carnival and all sorts. I’d planned a barbeque and now it’ll probably rain.”
The Met Office were unsympathetic. “What exactly did you expect?” asked Michael Shark. “This is exactly like when it snowed in winter and everyone walked around going ‘wow look it’s snowing’ and the whole country ground to a halt. It’s pathetic.”
Expert Scientists could offer no solution to the schizonphrenic British weather, which attracts tourists hoping to experience all four seasons within a few hours. “The only thing I can suggest,” said spokesman Guillaume la Trec of CERN, “is that you move somewhere else. Alternatively you could stop fucking whinging.”
“We aren’t going to stop complaining, are we,” spat council leader Julia Wayward. “We’re English, I mean come on, our national passtimes are complaining, and talking about the weather. I actually think it’s rather efficient to complain about the weather, thereby combining both activities into one session.”
