St Neots OAPs Have Their Right Not To Have Fun Defended!
Self styled defender of the infirm and incontinent Mr Clapham Junction today defended the rights of the elderly not to have fun at this weekend’s carnival.
Mr Junction has raised several concerns that crisp packets, loud noise from people enjoying themselves and poor parking could lead to a premature death for many of the town’s elderly residents.
“I fully defend the rights of the elderly not to have a good time, it’s no fun pissing yourself or farting every time you go upstairs, not everyone can afford a stair lift you know! This festival is just a carnal carnival allowing people under 70 to gloat and have a good time” commented Junction yesterday.
Blaming local councillors and volunteers he continued “St Neots should be proud of its misery and the right to be a miserable bastard should be upheld.”
Former Town Councillor and representative of mysterious Eynesbury Hardwick parish, Bob Farms, defended the carnival, but commented “I piss myself and fart when I go up the stairs, it should be celebrated with an ovaltine and a new pair of comfy feet shoes for any age. Why should incontinence and misery be the preserve of the elderly?”
Other councillors rallied to the cause stating that the event was for everyone and extra toilets would be provided if Boots run low on Tena pads, and there would be no stairs.
Local pensioner and chairman of St Neots SAGA louts Mrs Mills, 72, said, “I love the carnival, I only get to go out once a year and always make sure it’s on carnival weekend. I managed not to piss my self last year and hope to make it through this weekend dry.”
Still outraged at the the thought of anyone enjoying themselves Mr Junction was calmed when told that some of the money raised would be donated to a walk-in bath fund for retired councillors. Commenting he said “Yeah great, put ‘em all in , let ‘em piss themselves in it and we’ll put it on a float, then we ll see who has the last laugh!”
