Council Have New Site For Cinema
St Neots Town Council today got themselves all in a tizz over the news that a new site may be made available for their white elephant cinema project, as ATS Euromaster announced their Brook Street site would close.
“Well that’d be ideal wouldn’t it,” said self-thinking Eynesbury councillor Terrence Dougall. “I thought the old fire station was brilliantly inconvenient as a location, but ATS… well, it’s at the end of a one-way street, right near a residential development which floods lots. Perfect.”
Local residents were not so impressed. “What a pisstake,” said Navigation Wharf resident Jonathan Pepper, 42. “When I moved here I thought it would be posh, cos the road’s name ends in Wharf. I don’t want a ruddy great cinema over the road, it’s bad enough that there’s that riff-raff pub.”
Ignoring the fact the Woolpack has been on the site a lot longer than his yuppy townhouse, Pepper continued. “Clearly the place to put something like a cinema is in the town, where it can attract the maximum chavvy scum without the danger of someone parking in front of my house. I mean really, what is the world coming to.”
The council has been harping on about a cinema ever since millionaire Lord of the Manor Peter Rowley offered them a million pounds to do what they want with, despite the fact that cinemas are built by companies, not councils. Plans currently afoot see the cinema, two fast-food outlets and a restaurant built on the tiny site of the old fire station in Huntingdon Street. “Fucking brilliant,” commented one local wag. “What they gonna have, a plasma screen and a burger van? Nah, even that wouldn’t fit.”
Rowley could not be reached for comment.
