St Neots To Be Renamed Huntingdon
In a surprise move St Neots Town Council has voted in favour of renaming the town Huntingdon.
Council leader Julia Wayward spoke exclusively to The Citizen. “St Neots has often been neglected because all our money goes to Huntingdon, but by renaming the town we felt those fuckwits at District would put more money our way and not notice any difference.”
This was apparently in response to rumours that David Novice, chief executive officer at Huntingdon, had spent £30m refurbishing his office to include a panic room, reinforced concrete walls, a swimming pool and cinema. Local council officers have even been referring to the new multi million Pathfinder House as the Fuhrer Bunker.
Town Councillor Steve van de Whitevanman commented, “This is exactly why we are changing the name; these are facilities that should be in St Neots. Huntingdon District Council seems determined to starve St Neots of what it needs, just like the Warsaw Ghetto, or the good people of Leningrad.”
The Citizen contacted Mr Josef Gobbles, the press officer at Pathfinder Housem to find out if the rumours were true. “Vee are not entirely sure vat ze problem wiz St Neots is, zey have all zat zey need, ve have just put new showers and changing rooms in ze pool, wat more could zey vant?”
Mr Novice was unavailable for comment as he was reportedly taking a last minute holiday to Poland and then to Moscow. Having enjoyed France and The Low Countries earlier in the year he was apparently looking for ways to spend his controversial £2.5m salary.
A spokesman for Pathfinder House commented that Novice was in fact on a fact-finding mission, studying how to “make ze trains run on time!”
Town Councillors were confident that over the next few years this move will secure what is needed for the town. In a surprise move they had also been contacted by Mr Alf Speer who had been responsible for much of the re-building in Huntingdon. Mr Speer felt that St Neots could soon catch up with Huntingdon with most of the facilities lasting over 1000 years.
