Travellers Site Gets Cambourne In A Tizz
A dossier carelessly left in the Monkfield Arms pub by a representative of the Cambourne Parish Council on Monday afternoon contained documents referring to the preferred Travellers site, and astonishingly revealed the most likely site – the proposed golf course within Cambourne’s Country Park.
An employee of the village’s building consortium, who preferred to remain nameless, commented “Well, there is never going to be a golf course, let’s face it. It sounded snazzy and all those people who bought them huge big mansions in Lower Cambourne liked the idea of facing the 3rd hole. But with all those lakes and bikes and prams being pushed around, not to mention the wheelbarrows being shunted up to the allotments, you can’t really see Gerald and his chums strolling between tees with their clubs on this land now can you?”
The local traveller’s spokesperson, Tyrone Gump, 36-ish, welcomed the news. “Travellers like a good bit of green space to spread out in and the parish council have really chosen the best site possible. The lakes will be a good source of food and will also serve as a brilliant washing facility. Not to mention the power source from the wind turbine to keep the TVs running.”
Local residents are furious. Paul Shawshank, 47, who has resided in Orchard Way since 2006, was furious with the proposal. “It’s one thing to look out of the dormer and see golf buggies out at first light. It’s quite another thing to be seeing traveller women scrubbing their smalls in the lake. I moved from Chigwell because the houses backing on to the golf course there went like gold dust. It makes me sick thinking about how my house will be facing the traveller’s shitty campsite.”
May Weller, who manages an allotment near the proposed site, was also concerned. “If they start nicking my cabbages and runner beans there’ll be trouble,” she warned. “My Bill’s not gonna take thieving off our plot. We’re looking at investing CCTV for the allotment and an electric fence. We signed a petition last month and if we are not being listened to it’s just sickening.”
Isn’t satire meant to be funny, too?
Hey, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t… Everyone has different tastes
True, but ‘bad’ is a taste. On another point; this isn’t satire, because it’s way too obvious. A truly satirical piece would see the Travellers’ groups objecting to new houses being built on the open land in Upper Cambourne, preventing them from grazing their horses or dumping cars….
But it’s a nice try. Look up ‘The Onion’ for some hints.