New ADHD Treatment Is Complete Success
Recent advances in the treatment of tenuous illness Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder have been hailed a “complete success” by local health authority spokesperson, Kim Stoneley-Bolton.
“Phase one of our local pilot scheme involves providing sufferers with a tiny puppy and no training in how to look after it. Sooner or later the dog will croak it and, with any luck, the owner will come up with such a heart-rending story about how it died that the newspapers will run it. The second phase involves a complete lack of evidence to back the story up, generating more newspaper coverage,” he told The Citizen.
“The net result of such intense therapy is a fucking shed-load of attention!” he added.
The Citizen understands that the scheme will now be rolled out across the county. The Brick Red Animal Sanctuary who will be supplying the furry bundles, have welcomed the news. Spokesperson Gaye Gamling said “What with Christmas coming and all that we’re going to have hundreds of the little shit-machines to give away. This scheme is a real win-win for all concerned… except the dogs that is.”
David Attenborough was unavailable for comment.
