Use For White Elephant Warehouse Finally Found
The Citizen can exclusively reveal that a use may finally have been found for the pointless empty monstrosity of a warehouse next to B&Q in Eaton Socon.
For several years this vast ugly warehouse has been empty blighting the landscape for miles around. It has been suggested as a new cinema, a youth club, a storage facility for councillors egos or even a distribution centre.
The Citizen can now exclusively reveal that it will become a chicken farm and processing plant to supply the nearby successful KFC using a new breed of chicken to keep up with soaring demand.
KFC Chief Executive Officer Mr Colin Sanders contacted the Citizen with the news. “It seems people in St Neots just love shit food and we can’t keep up. To save carbon emissions and provide local jobs, we will be breeding and processing our new breed of chicken the Kentucky Fried Chicken Chicken (Latinus Humourous) on site.”
He went on, “A full grown bird has been known to sport 180 legs, none of which it uses for walking. The chicken habitually makes its home 50 yards away from the nearest KFC or MacDonalds. It eats carrots and whitewash, which it regurgitates into small red and white plastic containers. It also shits bar-b-que beans. It likes to keep warm by rolling in breadcrumbs and makes its nest in boiling fat.”
“Research suggests that the dead bird gives off toxic fumes which can cause acne and a propensity to hang out in old cars playing loud dance music and litter the surrounding area.”
Local councillor and Leader of the Town Council Julia Wayward commented, “This is very exciting indeed and a good example of how this fine restaurant has lead to local jobs for local people. The council has employed 20 extra staff just to pick all the bloody litter up and people will finally stop thinking it’s going to be a cinema.”
Residents opinions were said to be mixed. Local eco warrior Dave Angel was furious: “If it isn’t bad enough listening to Dizzy Rascal, picking up litter and smelling of old chip fat, now I hear the place will smell of chicken shit, bloody marvellous.”
