Eynesbury Lib Dem councillor Steven van der Whitevanman was under pressure today to change his name by deedpoll to something a little shorter. Whitevanman, whose full name is Steven van der Whitevandriver van der Whitevandriverman van der Whitevandriver, came under attack by Electoral Reform officials who say his name is too long for a... »
Over-45′s in St Neots are being blamed for eating all the pies – as well as all the other food, drinking all the drinks and using the last of the loo roll. “This is well unacceptable,” said Eaton Socon man Darryn Draynpype, 28. “Seems that all the oldies have well and truly fucked us... »
The Citizen would like to take this opportunity to welcome Francisco Sanchez to our team as features writer. “I probably won’t write many features, actually,” said Sanchez, “but it’s nice to have a title isn’t it.” Sanchez joins us from a defunct Citizen-style service elsewhere, and makes up the 6th member of the team,... »
The local candidate for the Monster Raving Looney party, Lord Ropey Rug, was today declared “far too sensible” by members of the less-interesting parties. “The Looney’s are supposed to come up with some really amusing – but unrealistic – policies to keep everyone smiling through the election ridiculousness,” said Conservative party candidate and current... »
It was sensationally revealed tonight that, if elected, the Lib Dems plan to opt St Neots out of the United Kingdom’s currency, the Great British Pound. “The quid is a bit of an outdated concept,” said Steve van der Whitevanman at this evening’s press conference, “seeing as everything costs so fucking much now. I... »
The Editor of the St Neots Citizen today apologised for the lack of recent updates, saying “really, guys, there is fuck all to report.” He went on, “We promised less councillor bitching, moaning and cock-waving than other papers, but we can’t deliver that right now as that is all the councillors are doing. “It’s... »
The editor of the St Neots Citizen this week announced he was giving up smoking. “I’ve got gum and an e-cigarette and patches and all sorts,” said Tim C, 27. “I wouldn’t cross me though,” he continued, “as I am ratty as fuck.” In the midst of all this, the Citizen is moving servers... »
Councillor Larry Hackman has gone the extra mile for Sport Relief this week by smashing the previous world record for “blahring” . Posting on a local interweb forum Councillor Hackman continually “blahed” longer and with less interest than all of his political rivals. Commenting on local council strategy under his tag LH, Hackman started... »
Scientists at research outfit CERN, whose Large Hadron Collider was rumoured last year to be underneath St Neots, have come under fire again from residents in the Humberley Close area, who are concerned their houses are shrinking. “My house is cracking up,” said Burnt Close resident Sarah Camistic, “and if it goes on much... »
