Tories Love Carparks Best
Conservative town councillors today showed the world – and the Lib Dems – that they are most committed to saving our free car park at the Riverside, by moving into it.
Councillors including Paul Marcel and Larry Hackman parked a 1984 “Sundance 1000″ caravan in the Riverside car park, and declared that they would not move until everyone acknowledged that their petition to keep it free of charge is the best.
“It’s been obvious for some time that we are working hardest to get this resolved,” said Marcel today whilst emptying the chemical toilet. “I mean, our petition is printed on nice glossy paper, for a start.”
Hackman, making a pot of tea on the caravan’s two-burner stove, said “It got a bit hairy last night as the water levels rose and the park flooded, but we stuck it out and now where are the fucking Lib Dems, eh? Where are they? We win.”
Not to be outdone, Liberal Democrat councillors Steve van der Whitevanman and Terrence Dougall answered the question as to their whereabouts by setting up home in the South Street toilets, which are threatened by closure. “It’s alright actually,” said Whitevanman. “Nice view of Hen Brook, close to town for when Terrence fancies a pie or a kebab. Julia [Wayward] popped by with a nice pot plant and we’ve put a rug down at the entrance. Pleasant.”
Dougall commented that their next petition would “have glitter and fairies and stuff on it, so it’ll be way better than those blue fuckers camping in the car park!”
Council leader Julia Wayward was said to be at a loss for words at the further antics of “those idiot boys.”
“It’s just turning into another ridiculous cock-waving exercise,” she said, “which for numerous reasons I don’t participate in.”
The Camping and Caravanning Club were unavailable for comment.
