News In Recession – Official
The Editor of the St Neots Citizen today apologised for the lack of recent updates, saying “really, guys, there is fuck all to report.”
He went on, “We promised less councillor bitching, moaning and cock-waving than other papers, but we can’t deliver that right now as that is all the councillors are doing.
“It’s getting a bit daft to be honest; I’ve reported on Steve van der Whitevanman having a scrap with Tesco enough times. The other lot aren’t doing ANYTHING.”
Rest assured the Citizen will have some news as soon as something happens – unlike rival the News, Crier and Something.
That paper’s editor, Matt Scottish, said “Tim’s right, shit all has happened recently apart from councillors trying to increase the size of their balls. I’ve had to resort to reporting on that fucking busway that comes nowhere near the town and never will.”
It is thought that, election promises aside, 2010 will bring approximately 64% less news than the previous year. “Like for like this is a terrible decline,” said Hunts Post-It editor Mr E. Mann. “The local councils need to at least come up with some new complaints to reverse this alarming ‘news recession’.”
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