Monster Raving Looneys Far Too Sensible
The local candidate for the Monster Raving Looney party, Lord Ropey Rug, was today declared “far too sensible” by members of the less-interesting parties.
“The Looney’s are supposed to come up with some really amusing – but unrealistic – policies to keep everyone smiling through the election ridiculousness,” said Conservative party candidate and current MP Jonathan Gdangly of Huntingdon. “Y’know, like that Lord Sutch fellow, he always had something rib-tickling to say – like lowering the voting age to eighteen, or opening pubs all day. OK, I realise these things happened, but apparently he was quite the card back in the eighties!”
Indeed, the Party – founded when this Editor was born – have managed to get a number of laws passed in the UK. And it is this that Gdangly takes offence at. “I mean, Rug is suggesting banning hoodies in favour of top hats, which is just common sense really isn’t it. Everyone wears top hats, surely?”
The Looneys are also suggesting removing wheels from wheelie bins to prevent overfilling, and all politicians painting themselves permanently in party colours, so we know exactly who and what they are.
“Gdangly’s got a point,” said Tory councillor Paul Marcel. “The Looneys just aren’t funny any more – these are all policies which I plan to implement in the local area when – I mean, if – I get elected as councillor again.”
The Citizen is not really sure what is worse, but would suggest that if they want less-sensible policies, the Conservatives turn to their former colleague, madcap Hardwick councillor Bob Farms, who famously once attempted to traffic-calm the River Ouse. “He’ll help you see sense!” crowed slightly-mental former town council leader Derek Miles. “Funny old fucker that one…”
