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Monday August 19th 2019

A14 On Track For Closure Record

The Highways Agency announced last night that the A14 is on target to win the UK record for road closures for 2011.

“This little-known challenge is for the most major road closures without fatalities,” said spokesman Linton Parks, “and with the events of the last couple of weeks we’re well on our way to receiving this prestigious title.”

In the last month the road has been closed for lengthy periods three times because of chemical spills, burning feathers, and a fire at the Ellington recycling centre. “So far no-one’s been hurt,” said Parks, “and I think this trend can continue. We’ll need another 15 incidents if we’re to gain the title, and are planning a grass-clippings spillage for this week.”

Citizen Editor

The Citizen Editor lives in Citizen Towers, on the town’s luxurious Westside. Rumoured to be nearly thirty, he has claimed to be 23 for the last few years and is currently also a grotty tax-dodging student.

His hobbies involve upsetting small villages and repeatedly giving up smoking. He drinks approximately a gallon of tea every day.

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    One Comment for “A14 On Track For Closure Record”

    • Dave Gruntled says:

      Its obvious the A14 will always be a problem, as its packed with clueless Lib Dem Councillors looking for where the council meetings are…i can only assume thats why most of them dont bother attending!!

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