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Thursday October 19th 2017

Average Robbie Fan Old

Robbie+WilliamsThe entertainment world was stunned today to learn that the average age of a Robbie Williams fan is now 52.

Late last year, youth-oriented Radio 1 refused to add Williams’ single Candy to its playlists, citing the fact that Williams’ key demographic – who were young girls when Take That & Party hit the shelves in 1990 – were now mostly in, or approaching, their thirties.

But new research shows that it is in fact the mothers of these supposed fans who are in fact the most obsessive followers of the former dancer from Stoke, with some spending literally tens of pounds going to see the ageing popster – now 38 – sing live over the last few years.

“I was shocked, frankly,” said Browns Square mum Damienne Kaczyk, 30. “I used to love Robbie – and some of the rest of Take That – and used to make my mum play their albums on loop in the car on any journey, when I was about 12. I’m horrified to think that mother secretly enjoyed it all along!”

Williams’ agent did not want to comment on the the startling new information, commenting only that he liked our line about an album hitting the shelves. “I had completely forgotten that you used to actually have to go to a music shop and pay fifteen quid for a CD in the nineties,” said Philip Scythe of Universal. “We really had you lot over a barrel didn’t we? Screw you, Sean Parker, basically; you ruined everything!”

Ken Faulstitch

Ken Faulstitch was born in New Jersey in 1921 and is still not dead. He remains a 31-year-old local news hack, is only available in black and white, and it still not sure whether this new-fangled internet thing will take off.

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