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Thursday July 18th 2019

‘Follow-Up’ Microfiche

BBC Accused Of Anti-Southern Bias

BBC Accused Of Anti-Southern Bias

The BBC was today accused of being against the South after a third successive Northerner was announced as new breakfast show host. Extravagantly-haired Nick Grimshaw, 27, who also presents angsty teen favourite T4, was revealed to be the new smug face of breakfast [Read More]

The Girl Who Cried Hoody

The Girl Who Cried Hoody

The story of “The Girl Who Cried Hoody” looks set to put St Neots on the literary map. The English Literary society have decided to include St Neots in their project to modernise Aesop’s Fables and recent events in St Neots have allowed completion of this [Read More]

ADHD Girl Apologises To Hoodies – Puppy Still Dead

ADHD Girl Apologises To Hoodies – Puppy Still Dead

Disgraced former puppy owner May Marston was today facing calls to apologise to local hoodies after blaming them for the death of her dog – which in fact died of natural causes. Marston appeared in several national newspapers and was the subject of a widely-supported [Read More]

Dead Puppy Hoax

Dead Puppy Hoax

Ordinarily, the St Neots Citizen doesn’t run actual news. But this has pissed me off. Following national outcry over the kicking to death of a ten-week-old puppy in Priory Park, offers of help and support, an OAP buying the girl in question a new puppy, near-on mob [Read More]

Footbridge Back – Loves Farm Saved from Chavs

Footbridge Back – Loves Farm Saved from Chavs

Now known as the Footbridge Complete Cock-up (FCC) plan local councillor Julie Wayward has had confirmation from Second Town Disconnect (STD) that far from being shelved the plan to separate Loves Farm residents from the rest of St Neots is set to go ahead. STD have [Read More]

History Repeats As Venues Go Back In Time

History Repeats As Venues Go Back In Time

Following last month’s closure of the highly unpopular night venue Worx, former manager Ian Yoshimi has surprised no-one by delaying the re-launch of Worx’s predecessor, Shotz/The Warehouse/The King’s Head/Stripes/Something Else. This week it was announced [Read More]

Riverside Ripper Still On The Loose

Riverside Ripper Still On The Loose

St Neots dog walkers are living in fear this week as a reign of terror continues by an evil beast of a dog hell bent on attacking every animal on a lead it encounters. The Riverside Ripper also known as Mac The Knife prowls the well-worn and dog shit contaminated byways of [Read More]

Mini-Calming Clampdown On Furious Cycling In The Town

Mini-Calming Clampdown On Furious Cycling In The Town

Following complaints from "Mothers against furious cycling" at a council surgery, plans are being implemented to slow down cyclists in the High Street. Sharon Kiley, a local mother, said "I saw one of these mainiacs ride straight over a crisp packet and I thought if that [Read More]

Local Villages Claim To Recreate Past Better

Local Villages Claim To Recreate Past Better

Following on from the power cut which briefly sent parts of St Neots into the 19th century, surrounding areas have claimed they too can recreate the past. Some Little Paxton residents claimed they were able to recreate a time when computers weren’t as frequently used [Read More]

Pub Relocated According To Residents

Pub Relocated According To Residents

Locals were surprised to read in a local paper this week that the Waggon and Horses, which last week was “accidentally” turned into a drive-thru, is apparently now located in Nelson Road. The front page of the Town Crier this week carried a story covering [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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