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Saturday September 23rd 2017

‘THIS JUST IN’ Microfiche

VIDEO: Fags, Horses, & Frozen Water

VIDEO: Fags, Horses, & Frozen Water

As the country ground to a halt due to an inch of slush this weekend, your intrepid Citizen reporters took their reasonably decent camera out and FOUND THE NEWS. Then we edited it in iMovie, so all the dark patches look a bit digital. Can’t have everything eh. [Read More]

Under Town Heating To Get Go-Ahead?

Under Town Heating To Get Go-Ahead?

St Neots could be the first town to benefit from a new type of snow and ice removal system if plans are approved by county councillors. Despite being in a sheltered area and receiving an extremely low annual snowfall, Neotians are often upset when their routines are [Read More]

“Keep Burgers British” Says NFU

“Keep Burgers British” Says NFU

The National Farmers’ Union today renewed its calls to ensure that supermarket burgers are made from ingredients sourced in the UK. Following a week of scandal in which it was revealed that frozen burgers sold in Tesco, Iceland and other supermarkets across the [Read More]

St Neots Wakes To Lack Of Winter Wonderland

St Neots Wakes To Lack Of Winter Wonderland

St Neots woke up to a complete lack of wintry weather this morning, after the rest of the country announced via Facebook that it was indeed a “snow day”. Despite feeling a bit sick as we typed snow day, the Citizen ventured out into the world to investigate. [Read More]

HMV News Confuses High Street

HMV News Confuses High Street

The entirely expected news that HMV had gone into administration this week prompted shock quotes from all and sundry about the death of the High Street. The music retailer, whose first store opened in 1921, has long been circling the drain, facing competition from online [Read More]

UK Shocked By Horse Burgers

UK Shocked By Horse Burgers

Conversation across the country briefly turned from how shocking this completely expected seasonal weather is to the contents of beefburgers sold by at least two supermarkets. Tests by the FSAI in Ireland found that fattie-biscuits sold by Tesco and Iceland contained [Read More]

Citizen News TV 15/1/13: Joey Cambridgeshire Undercover Report

Citizen News TV 15/1/13: Joey Cambridgeshire Undercover Report

An urgent update from the St Neots Citizen! Undercover reporter Neskin Gonzales managed to catch up with local celebrity Joey Cambridgeshire in St Neots this week. Cambridgeshire did not want to be filmed, so Gonzales selotaped his iPhone to the bottom of his face, and [Read More]

Whole Town Surprised By Cold White Stuff

Whole Town Surprised By Cold White Stuff

St Neots woke up to a half-hearted blanket of snow this morning, and collectively gasped at the spectacle. Despite a week of weather forecasts promising it would “definitely snow on Sunday night”, not one of the towns 27,000 residents was prepared for the [Read More]

Citizen News TV 13/01/13

Citizen News TV 13/01/13

Yes. Finally. A full report on the menace of signage. It’s what the world has come to. [Read More]

Home Phone Confuses Teen

Home Phone Confuses Teen

After losing her iPhone this week, local teen Rosalinda Maciejewski found herself completely confounded by 20th century communications technology. “I felt so cut off,” said Maciejewski, 15, who misplaced her shiny iThing when off her face on White Ace cider in [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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