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Monday May 29th 2017

‘Your Letters’ Microfiche

Name Is Definitely Problem

Name Is Definitely Problem

Dear Sir, I recently read your fine article about the late proliferation of equine sustenance available from that fine small business T.E.S. Cohen, plc, as well as a store named after a country, and several foreign ones with all the vowels in the wrong place. I could not [Read More]

Snouting Scandal

Snouting Scandal

Dear sir, I am writing regarding recent Slazangé sponsor, Dr Tim Crevensman, your news paper is a relevent part of the national league of snoutmanry. As you are well aware (the Citizen covered it) Dr. C became the No.1 champion of the June 2011 Grantchester [Read More]

SunFest Is To Blame

SunFest Is To Blame

Dear Sir, I feel there is a rather obvious culprit for the appalling weather we’re currently experiencing. Some idiot decided to put on an outdoor event called SunFest. I ask you. If ever there was an example of tempting fate, this is it. Those responsible should be [Read More]

Lack Of Superhighway Upsets Chavs

Lack Of Superhighway Upsets Chavs

New resident in town Chardonnay-Leigh bemoans the yet-unfinished bridge. Will it drag on as long as the busway? [Read More]

Busway Enormous Disappointment

Busway Enormous Disappointment

Local man Hugh Ordinary tests out the "amazing concrete superbusway" [Read More]

Eastside Will Solve Hedge Problem Itself

Eastside Will Solve Hedge Problem Itself

Dear sir, I don’t know why Jean Tate is worried about this leylandii hedge. She lives, after all, in Eynesbury, so it’ll probably be stolen in the next three weeks anyway. Dave Sercko, Crosshall Road [Read More]

Arcade Tackles Drugs Too

Arcade Tackles Drugs Too

Dear sir, I feel the media has overlooked the fine service the new arcade in South Street is providing for the town’s narcotics-lovers. A vigorous game of air hockey soon turns into seven or eight rounds, by which time most of the ten quid I had nicked for a bag of [Read More]

Councillors And Chavs Behaving

Councillors And Chavs Behaving

Dear Sir, In response to REO Slowaggon, The end of the ASBO is nigh, so no chav wants to be stuck with last years medal. Also, all the councillors are having an election lie in. No “Your Letter” Squabbles in the local rags and no wrongly printed [Read More]

Where’s All The News?

Where’s All The News?

Dear sir, I’ve noticed a complete lack of news the last two weeks. What’s going on? Are we sliding back into the News Recession of 2010 as reported in your fine publication? I do hope not. ‘They’ need to do something about this and fast! REO [Read More]

Gaddafi In Paxton?

Gaddafi In Paxton?

Dear sir, I’m reasonably sure Colonel Gadaffi is hiding out in Little Paxton. That news report where he said he wouldn’t leave Libya alive was a bit to sharp in terms of picture quality – it must be more local! After reports of fallen Egyptian dictator [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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