Eaton Socon resident David Norway, 32, was recovering today after a minor mental breakdown as he got too excited about the completion of local engineering projects. The Roberts Close man, who works as a drug guidance counsellor, had been away on [Click to read more...]
Newly opened grot emporium Pulse and Crabtails opened on Friday, following a furore in which most dimwit locals assumed a sex shop would indeed sell sex. Just as that calmed down, rumours brewed that the store would soon feature a Drive Thru window [Click to read more...]
Reports in the national press today suggest that the number of heroin and crack users in the UK is falling. “This situation is totally unacceptable,” says Warren Pearce, 22, who lives on the Oxmoor Estate’s notorious Kent Road and [Click to read more...]
As the bridge is opened over the Great Ouse, St Neots Citizen has uncovered the missing funding donor for the Eynesbury to Eatons Chav Superhighway. It appears that the unaccounted-for money, to the tune of a Rowley Million, has been put forward [Click to read more...]
St Neots residents who commute into Cambridge were complaining this week after their previous complaints were resolved. Bus company Ragecoach adjusted their legendary Mighty X5 service a fortnight ago after users complained that it stopped too [Click to read more...]
Locals were today perplexed and angered that it had become impossible to park in the town centre. Parking on the Market Square has been suspended for the weekend to allow for the time wasting SunFest, also known as the August Festival, Summer [Click to read more...]
St Neots residents were surprised to find, once again, that the weather over the bank holiday was due to be bloody awful. The Citizen has always aimed to keep locals up to date on the terrible meteorlogical situation over the summer, as when we [Click to read more...]
Neotians were today preparing for a scrap as it was announced that Newmarket, mostly over the border in Suffolk, was considering changing to a much more prosperous county – potentially robbing St Neots of it’s “largest town” [Click to read more...]
St Neots teens have tried and completely failed to start a riot in a copycat incident following disturbances in London and around the UK this week. Angry fourteen-year-olds – up to five of them – gathered on the Market Square last night [Click to read more...]
“Opal Fruits” became “Starburst” and “Marathon” turned into “Snickers”. The marvellous “JIF” is now “CIF”! All lame attempts to increase the profile of the product and the [Click to read more...]
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