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Friday August 17th 2018

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Hardwick Discovered Near 17th Hole

Hardwick Discovered Near 17th Hole

After a long search, mystery parish Eynesbury Hardwick has been discovered near the 17th hole at Abbottsley Golf Club. This came as a surprise to the establishment, who “always thought they were in Abbottsley,” and has upset local residents by further linking St [Read More]

Farms Refuses To Reveal Mystery Parish Location

Farms Refuses To Reveal Mystery Parish Location

Madcap local councillor Bob Farms today refused to reveal the location of his mystery parish Eynesbury Hardwick. Despite signposts to Eynesbury Hardwick, it has long been believed that the area is fictional, much like Crosshall. However, in a statement today, former town [Read More]

Similar Town Sues St Neots

Similar Town Sues St Neots

Wantage Town Council today issued a writ against St Neots, claiming that it breached copyright law by becoming a small market town outside a major university city. Wantage is around the same distance from Oxford as St Neots is from Cambridge, and as well as being a similar [Read More]

Summer Water Shortages Hit St Neots

Summer Water Shortages Hit St Neots

Anglian Water has announced that the record sunshine (4 hours, 22 minuts and 14 seconds) experienced in town over the weekend has evaporated the reserves that the company has worked so hard to conserve over the past three years of continuous rain. Although spending just [Read More]

Hollywood Comes To St Neots

Hollywood Comes To St Neots

Pland have been unveiled to build a large independent movie studio on land to the south of the A428, just outside St Neots. Bob Gaily from production company Going to the Flicks plc said today, “St Neots is a prime location for a new studio with centres of excellence [Read More]

L’Union Européene Dérange St Neots Nouveau

L’Union Européene Dérange St Neots Nouveau

The EU has today announced, that under ruling 2008/604/EU, all twinned towns must translate road names into the local languages of towns they are twinned with. As St Neots is twinned with Faches Thumesnil all roads must be signposted in French as well as English. This will [Read More]

Tesco “Still Not Mothership” Says Retailer

Tesco “Still Not Mothership” Says Retailer

Supermarket giant Tesco today hit out at repeated claims that its St Neots store was “some kind of alien mothership”. Since this story was published in the Citizen six years ago, the chain has been dogged by claims of alien involvement. “This has simply [Read More]

Empty Shop Developers Enter New Market

Empty Shop Developers Enter New Market

Local developers are having to expand into new business areas as demand for empty shops wanes, it was reported today. One of St Neots’ oldest and proudest traditions is the building, and importing, of empty shops into the High Street and Market Square. Typically these [Read More]

Eynesbury Is New Architectural Chic

Eynesbury Is New Architectural Chic

Forget the Swiss Re “Gherkin”, the Liver Building, York Minster and Bath’s Royal Crescents as fine examples of British architecture - architects are looking to St Neots, and in particular Eynesbury, for inspiration in design. Leading UK architect Ben [Read More]

Local Man Fails At Dragon’s Den

Local Man Fails At Dragon’s Den

Local entrepreneur has failed to impress BBC2′s Dragons with his latest invention, SatChav. Eaton Socon man Darren Feave, 28, designed SatChav to assist local criminals in escaping when in unfamiliar areas. “Ya know what it’s like, like,” said Feave. [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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