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Monday July 24th 2017

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Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, relying instead on stories lifted directly from social media. In a test of the system recently, the CENITM told readers of a scam involving motorists being [Read More]

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Local supermarket managers have spoken out about the recent spate of theft of sparkly French booze, revealing that the so-called Champagne Shoplifter had “little or no taste”. The Evening News In The Morning reported yesterday that Robert Pinata of Bedford had [Read More]

Local Couple Not Planning Baby Or Cat

Local Couple Not Planning Baby Or Cat

An Eaton Ford couple have stunned friends and family by announcing that they do not intend to have children. The revelation came following a three-year relationship which recently turned into an engagement. Many thought the next logical step for Timothy Edwards, an [Read More]

Stealth Gippos Move In

Stealth Gippos Move In

St Neots residents working in north Cambridge were shocked yesterday by an email from security stating that travellers had gained access to their office park. Despite a heavy security presence made up of former Gurkhas dressed in high visibility jackets and hats, the [Read More]

Snow Is Conversation Topper

Snow Is Conversation Topper

Figures released today show that snow, ice, and existing in aforementioned conditions accounted for 82% of all conversational content in the last seven days. As Cambridgeshire shivered its way back to work yesterday, following Monday’s mass skive during which 75% of [Read More]

“Keep Burgers British” Says NFU

“Keep Burgers British” Says NFU

The National Farmers’ Union today renewed its calls to ensure that supermarket burgers are made from ingredients sourced in the UK. Following a week of scandal in which it was revealed that frozen burgers sold in Tesco, Iceland and other supermarkets across the [Read More]

HMV News Confuses High Street

HMV News Confuses High Street

The entirely expected news that HMV had gone into administration this week prompted shock quotes from all and sundry about the death of the High Street. The music retailer, whose first store opened in 1921, has long been circling the drain, facing competition from online [Read More]

Scatalogical Scandal As Phantom Strikes Again

Scatalogical Scandal As Phantom Strikes Again

It has been almost three months since the last horrific sighting of this dastardly deviants work but on Monday 14th the Citizen was contacted by an eye witness. The witness, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of retribution from this villain, reported “a scene [Read More]

Road Will Keep Name

Road Will Keep Name

Residents of an upmarket Westside street have refuted claims that the name of their enclave is to change. Angela McFarquar-Farquarrsson-Smith, of Savile’s Close, off Crosshall Road, said that following many towns such as Scarborough in altering the name to avoid [Read More]

Booze Hounds Urged To Avoid A14

Booze Hounds Urged To Avoid A14

Local fire chief Benedict Redgate this morning asked that local alcoholics avoid the large ethanol spill currently being cleared up on the A14. A tanker carrying the pure alcohol overturned at 6.20 this morning at the Bythorn turning, west of Huntingdon. Within minutes of [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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