Your Premier Local News Resource
Monday May 29th 2017

‘News In Brief’ Microfiche

St Neots Girls Mistaken For Stevenage Scum

St Neots Girls Mistaken For Stevenage Scum

St Neots girls were yesterday refused entry to the entire town of Stevenage after a case of mistaken identity led bouncers to believe they were pub-smashing ruffians. [Read More]

Internet Temporarily Pointless

Internet Temporarily Pointless

The internet was temporarily pointless today as Facebook went down. Local teens and timewasting office workers were at a loss as the social network announced that accounts were unavailable due to a site issue. “I didn’t know what to do,” said Chantelle [Read More]

Eastsiders Upset About Hedge

Eastsiders Upset About Hedge

Broadwalk residents had a good old whinge yesterday about trees that were put up to block out floodlights that they had previously had a good old whinge about. The infamous Leyland Cyprus hedge was planted behind Eynesbury Rovers’ football ground after neighbours [Read More]

Stand By Your Ballot Box!

Stand By Your Ballot Box!

Or so says the newest recruit to the St Neots Regiment of Partially, Prospective, Potential Councillors, Harry “R” Rogerson. “THAT’S RIGHT, YOU ‘ORRIBLE LOT. I’M GOING TO WHIP YOU LAZY MALINGERING SAD EXCUSES FOR COUNCILLORS INTO SHAPE OR [Read More]

Charlie Sheen Invited To Fill Councillor Role

Charlie Sheen Invited To Fill Councillor Role

HDC have announced that they plan to ask Charlie Sheen to fill the role of District Councillor for Eaton Socon ward following the revelation that incumbent Mandy Gordon was, in fact, not real. Councillor Steve van der Whitevanman said of the move today, “I think Mr [Read More]

Marathon Show Leaves Man Stuck At Work

Marathon Show Leaves Man Stuck At Work

An attempt by Radio 1 presenters Chris Moyles and “Comedy” Dave Vitti to break the record for the longest continuous time on air has left an Eaton Socon man unable to leave work for over 24 hours. Kurt Anwell, 22, lives in Otter Way and works night shifts at a [Read More]

Cyclist Disappointed By Twin Town

Cyclist Disappointed By Twin Town

Newly-local epic cyclist Martin Walsh today sent word that Faches Thumesnil is “rather disappointing”. Standing outside a newsagents on Rue Henri Barbusse in the Lille suburb, Walsh stated that although pleased to have completed the first leg of his mission to [Read More]

Winter Weather In Winter Shocker

Winter Weather In Winter Shocker

Councillors from the town, district and county councils deluged local papers with letters blaming each other for the inclement weather which has today replaced the lovely sun we had yesterday. Within minutes of the first cloud looming into view over St Neots, cllr King [Read More]

Cats “Probably Won’t Get Thumbs”

Cats “Probably Won’t Get Thumbs”

In another people-scared-of-animals shocker, Expert Scientists have reassured Neotians that cats “probably won’t develop thumbs” any time soon. The scare came after milk brand Cravendale released an advert showing gangs of thumb-clicking cats breaking in [Read More]

Gaddafi: “Come And Have A Go If You Think You’re Hard Enough”

Gaddafi: “Come And Have A Go If You Think You’re Hard Enough”

A group of angry chavs was last night on their way to Tripoli as slightly mad Libyan dictator Colonel Gadaffi issued an open invitation to "all mans" to come and attempt to overthrow him [Read More]

 Page 3 of 7 « 1  2  3  4  5 » ...  Last » 

This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

Microfiche

Subscribe