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Tuesday June 27th 2017

‘News In Brief’ Microfiche

A14 Closed

A14 Closed

The county’s nightmarish A14 was closed earlier today due to an incident which possibly involved some vehicles, and maybe some livestock. [Read More]

Gypsys Surprised That People Are Surprised At Compo Claim

Gypsys Surprised That People Are Surprised At Compo Claim

The travelling community today expressed surprise and amusement that no-one had forseen their massive compensation claim over Channel 4 show “Big Fat Gypsy Weddings”. The documentary series, which draws millions of viewers and even more Facebook statuses, [Read More]

Schools Take Lead From BBC Series

Schools Take Lead From BBC Series

Single St Neots secondary school Longsands, which apparently also controls Ernulf, which is apparently called St Neots Community College, is set to conduct a ground-breaking experiment to separate male and female students. “It’s been proven that when boys and [Read More]

Scorungers Shit Themselves Over Benefit Changes

Scorungers Shit Themselves Over Benefit Changes

Local dole-queue regulars were said to be terrified today whilst awaiting the Government’s announcement on changes to the benefits scheme. Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith will this morning reveal full details of a shake-up to the dole system aimed at [Read More]

Estates Demand Own Signs

Estates Demand Own Signs

Local developments Eynesbury Manor and Love’s Farm have got all jealous of the lovely hand-carved wooden ‘village’ signs found in the more traditional four sections of St Neots. Eaton Ford, Eaton Socon and Eynesbury have at various times in the last twenty [Read More]

Shock Lack Of Coverage On Massive Scrap

Shock Lack Of Coverage On Massive Scrap

St Neots drinkers were outraged after a complete lack of coverage of an epic streetfight last Friday night. The fight is thought to have begun after “some geezer groped some other old boy’s bird innit”, according to eyewitnesses. “This omission by [Read More]

Mubarak Definitely Not In St Neots

Mubarak Definitely Not In St Neots

Following Egyptian former president Hosni Mubarak’s resignation over the weekend, Eynesbury councillors have denied he is staying with them for a bit. The Citizen reported how councillors Dougall and van der Whitevanman had been sent to Cairo to try to help Mubarak [Read More]

Ouse Valley Walk Complete Says Councillor

Ouse Valley Walk Complete Says Councillor

It is now possible to walk from St Neots to Huntingdon on a bed of dog shit, says councillor Steve van de Whitevanman. After years of campaigning and moaning Cllr WVM has succeeded in pissing off enough dog walkers with his grumbling gripes that even the ones that used to [Read More]

St Neots Town Submits Olympic Stadium Bid

St Neots Town Submits Olympic Stadium Bid

St Neots Town FC have entered the fray to take on the likes of Tottenham and West Ham in a bid to take over the Olympic stadium after the games finish in 2012. [Read More]

Confusion Over Repeat Roadnames

Confusion Over Repeat Roadnames

New development Love’s Farm is throwing postmen and pizza deliverers into confusing by re-using existing road names. The latest road to gain a name on the over-priced estate is Fox Brook – a road which already exists near Longsands Road. “This is [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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