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Sunday April 23rd 2017

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A14 On Track For Closure Record

A14 On Track For Closure Record

The Highways Agency announced last night that the A14 is on target to win the UK record for road closures for 2011. [Read More]

Councillors Demand Equal Airtime

Councillors Demand Equal Airtime

Town councillors from both sides of the river have hit out at local newspapers, including the Citizen, for concentrating too hard on certain of their colleagues. Councillor Oliver Barford, who represents Eaton Socon, said “I’m fucking sick of hearing about Julia [Read More]

New Estates Reach Finals

New Estates Reach Finals

New-ish St Neots estates Eynesbury Manor and Loves Farm are to face eachother in the UK Neighbour Proximity Handholding Competition. The contest, open to all residents whether owners or tenants of overcrowded high-density developments in the UK, involves leaning out of your [Read More]

St Neots Book Gets New Home

St Neots Book Gets New Home

A £3.52 refurbishment of St Neots Library bookshelf has helped extend the life of the St Neots book. Originally purchased during the 1920′s and available for lending to the community, the book has been loaned out five times – two of those during refurbishments [Read More]

This Week’s A14 Closure Is Feathery Fire

This Week’s A14 Closure Is Feathery Fire

Today’s traffic chaos in St Neots, with delays of up to fifteen minutes, is being brought to you by a lorry full of burning feathers on the A14. Police closed the road and announced in the Cambridge News that it would be shut “for the forseeable future”. [Read More]

Eighties Favourite Makes Comeback

Eighties Favourite Makes Comeback

Feature of the pavements during earlier economic downturns, white dog shit is poised to make a triumphant return to our walkways. Talking heads on shows such as “I Love 1982″ often reference the canine excretions which, if left uncleared, turn a fossilised shade [Read More]

Increased iPhone Theft Lowers iPhone Theft

Increased iPhone Theft Lowers iPhone Theft

Police spokesman Kim Stonely-Bolton has revealed that increased theft of much-coveted iPhones in St Neots has in fact reduced reported theft by 85%. “This is brilliant news,” said Stonely-Bolton, “as it shows that Cambridgeshire Constabulary are succeeding [Read More]

Police Warn Of Sale Scam

Police Warn Of Sale Scam

Police are warning of increased fake church fundraisers... [Read More]

Cinema Will Include Chips

Cinema Will Include Chips

Councillors today sought to allay residents’ concerns about the planned new cinema in St Neots with an assurance that the venue will include at least two new fish and chip outlets. “Deep-fried food is, as the Citizen reported last week, a growth sector for St [Read More]

Carpark Sponsored By Tesco

Carpark Sponsored By Tesco

Tesco has won the sponsership deal to the Eaton Socon Car park. That car park was closed by councillors recently due to it’s bad state. The current sponsors St Mary’s church were up in arms. Rev Lovegod said, “Its was a shame to lose our – I mean, [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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