In another people-scared-of-animals shocker, Expert Scientists have reassured Neotians that cats “probably won’t develop thumbs” any time soon.
The scare came after milk brand Cravendale released an advert showing gangs of thumb-clicking cats breaking in and pinching the triple-filtered cowjuice.
“I was fucking terrified,” said Eynesbury man Maurice Ruggles, 32. “It was on Channel 4 so I thought it was a documentary. I haven’t left the house for a week!”
Expert Scientists were quick to rule out feline opposable digits. “As far as I can tell,” said ‘a researcher’, “this is just an advert and not an exposé on how kittens are going to take over the world.”
Just to be on the safe side, this reporter recommends some sort of digital lock on your fridge. “Cats are clever alright,” said local vet Cromwell Linclare, “but they can’t string number together for toffee. Or milk. So if they are evolving in such a manner, a pin-operated refrigerator will sort the buggers out! After all, there’s no real way to be sure…”