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Thursday July 18th 2019

Council Cannot Find Site For New Traffic Lights

St Neots Town Council faced a dilemma yesterday as they failed to find a suitable site for some new traffic lights.

“I don’t know what we can do,” said Cllr Pete Gregory yesterday. “We haven’t installed any lights for at least three months now. Demand must be high somewhere, but there are just no suitable sites.”

Cllr Gregory has a history of always provding crossings to the people of St Neots, whether they need it or not. Local businessman I P Freeley, who owns the 50p shop in the High Street, said, “I know lights are a necessity. Maybe the council could look at another set in the hight street. After all, there are only six crossings on a half-mile stretch of road. This is dangerous.” However, added Mr Freeley, any new lights installed must be of a quieter nature.

“The beeping from the pelican crossings is a nightmare. It sets off my ‘whistle-for-your-keys’ keyrings and is driving me insane.”

If a suitable alternative cannot be found, St Neots Town Council may have to look at alternatvies, such as new speed bumps, to dispense the current cash surplus of 87p.

Citizen Editor

The Citizen Editor lives in Citizen Towers, on the town’s luxurious Westside. Rumoured to be nearly thirty, he has claimed to be 23 for the last few years and is currently also a grotty tax-dodging student.

His hobbies involve upsetting small villages and repeatedly giving up smoking. He drinks approximately a gallon of tea every day.

Citizenship

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