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Friday August 18th 2017

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Robert-Mugabe_120309_01District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t compare the town council to the Third Reich.

As the Cambridge News reported, Van der Whitevanman had claimed that proposed changes to the way the council is run would make it like Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe.

“I specifically didn’t mention the Nazis,” said the long-named Eastside resident former town councillor, “because really no-one takes you seriously when you start waffling on about Hitler, and also I thought a Mugabe reference would be a bit more PC.”

Councillor Lewis Ruckus took offence to VDW’s comments. “Really,” he said, “it’s nothing like Zimbabwe at all. We haven’t chucked anyone off their farm for at least a couple of years, and hyperinflation is virtually non-existant”.

Reports of a new political party known as St Neots National Union – Political Front being formed as we speak have so far not been backed by any evidence, but potentially could be fact.

Francisco Sanchez

Francisco joined the team in March 2010, and quickly became one of the highest-contributing reporters whilst not actually writing any features.

Sanchez is a “militant smoker”, often lighting up in bars and restaurants and then running away as quickly as his wrinkled lungs allow, in a never-ending homage to Neg’s Urban Sports from an episode of Balls Of Steel.

He is also a militant car-parker, militant bus-passenger, militant pedestrian and militant toenail-picker.

Citizenship

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