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Friday April 19th 2019

Councillors Excited About Starting School

Childish local councillors Paul Marcel, Harry Shipman and Terrence Dougall were today reported to be excited about starting full-time primary education in the Spring term.

Following revelations that the councillors are all in fact five years old – explaining instantly why they all act so childishly – Bushmead and Middlefield schools offered places to the councillors immediately.

Former Bushmead headmaster David Cheddar said, “I got involved in this. From reading the latest outpouring of tripe from these ‘esteemed local politicians’ on the local community forums, it became clear that perhaps our representatives were in fact acting their age. Five.”

He went on, “Clearly they had all failed to get into Crosshall, and somehow ended up in politics as they could find no suitable alternative education.”

Lorna Dickie, who teaches reception class at Middlefield, said “I’m always glad to welcome new children into my class. I just hope they all learn to share the scissors during art & craft, and play nicely together at lunchtime.”

Citizen Editor

The Citizen Editor lives in Citizen Towers, on the town’s luxurious Westside. Rumoured to be nearly thirty, he has claimed to be 23 for the last few years and is currently also a grotty tax-dodging student.

His hobbies involve upsetting small villages and repeatedly giving up smoking. He drinks approximately a gallon of tea every day.

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