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Wednesday March 20th 2019

Empty Shop Developers Enter New Market

Local developers are having to expand into new business areas as demand for empty shops wanes, it was reported today.

One of St Neots’ oldest and proudest traditions is the building, and importing, of empty shops into the High Street and Market Square. Typically these shops fulfill their purpose after around 18 months and become an opticians, charity shop or card retailer.

However, recently less and less empty shops have been required in town. “We’re not really sure what’s caused this,” said local business landlords CH Charford. “There’s always been a good market for empty units in the town but I suppose it’s something to do with the credit crunch.”

“Indeed,” commented economics expert Martin Lanes, of Longsands College. “It’s mostly down to the huge second-hand market opening up. When there’s units like the old Choices store and the Eynesbury Dry Cleaners shop available, no-one’s going to pay top dollar for a brand-new empty shop. The market is getting, if not saturated, certainly very damp.”

Developers Slovis announced that they were already dealing with the problem by building empty houses instead. Spokesman Larry Tate said, “Since the Cornwallis Drive fiasco of the early 90′s, when they built half an estate then went bust leaving it untouched for twleve years, there has beena  shortage of long-term empty properties in St Neots.” Slovis are combatting this by half-finishing the Loves Farm development, to the east of the railway line. “I am sure the people who have already moved in will be delighted to be surrounded by shells of houses for about the next decade,” said Tate, “before we finish them on the cheap and sell them for a ridiculous amount of money.”

Local taxpayers were sceptical though. One correspondant, who asked to be identified as only “Name and Address Supplied”, told the Citizen they were fuming. “These empty houses will only bring trouble. They’re not inside the town’s boundaries so all that empty-propert council tax will go elsewhere. They need to build at least another three roundabouts and five sets of traffic lights before I’ll be happy, as other developers have done in the past.”

The Citizen will, of course, keep you up to date with developments in the “Far East” section of town.

Citizen Editor

The Citizen Editor lives in Citizen Towers, on the town’s luxurious Westside. Rumoured to be nearly thirty, he has claimed to be 23 for the last few years and is currently also a grotty tax-dodging student.

His hobbies involve upsetting small villages and repeatedly giving up smoking. He drinks approximately a gallon of tea every day.

Citizenship

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