Your Premier Local News Resource
Thursday November 23rd 2017

Fatties Rejoice As Golden Arches Given Go-Ahead

yim_wahSouth Cambridgeshire fast food lovers were overjoyed yesterday as SCDC’s planning committee approved redevelopment of the Yim Wah site at Caxton Gibbett.

Work will soon begin on replacing the burnt-out shell of the former Chinese restaurant with McDonalds, Subway, and Costa Coffee drive-through outlets.

“Chuffed to bits,” said commuter Errol Autonomy, who drives from St Neots to Cambridge for work daily. “Now I will be able to get a lovely lovely double sausage and egg muffin on occasion, without having to divert via Wyboston. An outstanding decision!”

Eltisley mum Sabrina Nortel said she was particularly looking forward to Subway. “It’s the only way to get vegetables into the little darlings,” she told us, motioning to children Paxford, 4, and 2-year-old Mimi. “I simply can’t bear to watch their faces as they peer with bewilderment at a sprout, and frankly, why should I be expected to cook if there is such a fine bespoke establishment round the corner?”

Not everyone was quite so pleased. Internet commenter Jonny Papworth, who clearly doesn’t understand the concept of income tax, ranted, “This is a disgrace. Building these monstrous grease emporia on one of our cultural heritage sites, and sending ALL of the money to that America? Disgusting. I’m already 22 stone, and if Maccy D keep making me buy Big Macs I’ll have to strengthen the suspension on my rustbucket!”

Cambourne-based gourmands said they have big plans for opening day. Lacey Purchase, 28, outlined her newest recipe to the Citizen. “I can’t wait to test it out. I will stop at Costa for a couple of espresso to get me going, and then visit the two food outlets. There I will purchase the ingredients to make my BMcT – six Big macs, taken apart, put into a footlong sub, and covered with any sauces they have which are roughly the same colour as that salmon-hued gloop they put in burgers. Astounding!”

Ken Faulstitch

Ken Faulstitch was born in New Jersey in 1921 and is still not dead. He remains a 31-year-old local news hack, is only available in black and white, and it still not sure whether this new-fangled internet thing will take off.

Citizenship

    Leave a Comment

    More like this

    Town Gears Up For New Complaint
    Town Gears Up For New Complaint

    Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

    Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi
    Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

    District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

    Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed
    Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

    Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

    Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup
    Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

    Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

    New School Thief-Proof
    New School Thief-Proof

    South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

    Microfiche

    Subscribe