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Saturday May 25th 2019

Gdnagly Boosts Local Employment

Huntingdon MP Jonathan Gdangly last night announced a revolutionary new scheme, in association with the local Chamber of Commerce, to boost employment in the south of the district.

“I have persuaded local Huntingdon businesses not to move jobs to cheaper workers abroad,” he said. “I have instead found a far cheaper option – St Neots. This fits rather well with my Guv Dave, and his “get those lazy chavs out of my pocket” bill, soon to be introduced.”

James McSwede, head of Huntingdon chamber of commerce, explained further. “Those folks from down there in St Neots are always complaining that they get nothing and Huntingdon gets every thing. This is out gift to them. The boost to the local economy will be great. We have negotiated contracts with Huntingdon based outsourcing magnate Simon Reed.”

Mr Reed was not present at the press conference, but issued the Citizen with this statement: “I continue to prop up the employment in this shire of Huntingdon. The fact I have started a recruitment campaign in St Neots and not India or China or Malaysia or Thailand is not because I have had my international trade license revoked for allegedly using child labour in cramped conditions,  but because I feel we need to give local people a chance for local jobs.”

Cllr Oliver Barford was approached for his reaction to the news of the employment boost to St Neots, but really did not have much to say apart from, “Wasn’t Julia Wayward, Paul Marcel, Terrence Dougall and Steve van der Whitevanman available? Ah well, my chance to shine for once. Let’s hope these unemployed chaps and chapesses can pull themselves away from Jeremy Kyle to attend an interview or two!”

But local man Danek Elbum is relishing the work, “This mean I send home money to wife and child, I will tell all my house buddy about this good job!”

A.J Oke

A.J Oke is an Eastsider who actually graduated, from the St Neots Library University with a pass in English and Journalism in 2003.

He is a sociable type who likes to look for a scoop wherever he can find it. A keen follower of all our local celebrities – that’s follower, and definitely not stalker. The restraining order against Mark Faster is purely an administrative error.

His passion is chav spotting, with multiple volumes of St Neotian chavs and a little black book of the easiest Chavettes.

Citizenship

    One Comment for “Gdnagly Boosts Local Employment”

    • Huw Fearnley-Witless says:

      The best way for MP Gonad Gdangly to boost local Employment would be for him to personally boost the UNemployment figures by resigning from his cushy expense-fiddling ‘job’


    Leave a Comment

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