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Saturday September 23rd 2017

Home Phone Confuses Teen

china-girl-iphone-4110628121958After losing her iPhone this week, local teen Rosalinda Maciejewski found herself completely confounded by 20th century communications technology.

“I felt so cut off,” said Maciejewski, 15, who misplaced her shiny iThing when off her face on White Ace cider in the Riverside Park on Friday night. “I wanted to call my friend and find out if we were going to get dressed up, go into town and fail to get into the Priory this weekend – but I didn’t have any way to call her!”

Momentarily feeling sorry for the offspring that had just disposed of a £400 fruity phone, Maciejewski’s father, Nathan, pointed Rosalinda towards the house phone. “I thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown,” said Mr Maciejewski, of Philip Gardens. “I don’t think Rosalinda had ever seen a landline phone before.”

Rosalinda confirms. “I really wasn’t sure how anyone could have the nerve to call this a phone,” she complained. “First it made this weird noise at me, then I couldn’t work out how to unlock it. Finally I got it working, but I couldn’t call Nikki as it didn’t even have a contacts list.”

As a last resort, Maciejewski attempted to send her associate a message via Facebook. “Couldn’t even get Facebook on it,” whinged the ungrateful Longsands student. “I really don’t think it’ll catch on.” Mr Maciejewski has since bought Rosalinda a new iPhone, as he “just couldn’t stand the tears.”

Citizen Editor

The Citizen Editor lives in Citizen Towers, on the town’s luxurious Westside. Rumoured to be nearly thirty, he has claimed to be 23 for the last few years and is currently also a grotty tax-dodging student.

His hobbies involve upsetting small villages and repeatedly giving up smoking. He drinks approximately a gallon of tea every day.

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