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Sunday April 23rd 2017

Help Me Break My Chav Habit

chavs_228x427Dear Dave,

I am 29 years old and addicted to sex with chavvy girls. I hang around the ramps, One Stop and Co-op in town dressed in hoody and joggers. Looking well over 18 always buying the booze. This ensures that I am always getting action.

I really want to get away from this. The girls are useless and its getting bad for my back all this shagging in the cold, but the fact it is easy sex is just too much to pull away from.

I don’t know how to get with the older easier

Please Help

Addicted, Tony.

Dear Tony,

You have two options.

Option one: Actually try and stay with one of these girls for more than a night and meet their mother. If they don’t care what their little Trayce is up to then you will be well in. Beware, the skinny little chav you got lucky with in the cold will be a long way from the mother, who after a few kids and lack of speed would have piled on the pounds.

Option two: Get yourself down the Gash or Priory and take your pick of the badly dressed pissed “good-time girls”. Be careful, avoid the ones sharing the jugs of Fruity Tutu, they will take some peeling away from their mates, but instead go for the ones holding two bottles of WKD who are singing and dancing alone.

Remember in both options get your story right.

Incapacity benefit is king. Lots of lolly to pull them in.

Uncle Dave

Dave has been snooping in others lives from an early age. Sticking his nose into others business and ensuring that his point of view is put across. This lead Uncle Dave to believe that he is experienced enough to write an agony uncle column.

Citizenship

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