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Tuesday March 28th 2017

“Keep Burgers British” Says NFU

Screen Shot 2013-01-19 at 08.20.55The National Farmers’ Union today renewed its calls to ensure that supermarket burgers are made from ingredients sourced in the UK.

Following a week of scandal in which it was revealed that frozen burgers sold in Tesco, Iceland and other supermarkets across the country contained up to a third horse meat, spokesperson Helen Shetland said, “I think it’s absolutely disgusting the way the public have been fed horse meat, which we believe to have come from Spain and the Netherlands, via an Irish processing plant, to British freezers.”

Shetland said the Union would put pressure on Government departments to ensure that cheap foreign imports did not undermine home-grown products. “Really,” she continued, “there are plenty of horses in Britain – we really shouldn’t be importing foreign horse to make our tasty, unhealthy dinners.”

Francisco Sanchez

Francisco joined the team in March 2010, and quickly became one of the highest-contributing reporters whilst not actually writing any features.

Sanchez is a “militant smoker”, often lighting up in bars and restaurants and then running away as quickly as his wrinkled lungs allow, in a never-ending homage to Neg’s Urban Sports from an episode of Balls Of Steel.

He is also a militant car-parker, militant bus-passenger, militant pedestrian and militant toenail-picker.

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