Recently I was forced to move to this wonderful town by my mother. At first I was apprehensive, but soon found my feet with my own kind, and set about hanging around on street corners in Eynesbury.
Imagine my horror when I wished to travel to the Westside of town, for the shoplifting opportunities offered by Tesco Express and One Stop, and found that the Chav Superhighway I had been told so much of before arriving here was still not fully finished! And there was I, hoping for fun and frolicks with the nearest be-tracksuited youth, under the light of the CCTV!
I fail, sir, to comprehend how a bridge that was installed three months ago, is still not accessible to those of us seeking alternative petty-crime perpetration spots. I trust your fine publication will investigate the matter post-haste!
Chardonnay-Leigh, 14, Duck Lane