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Thursday July 18th 2019

Local Papers Lack Letters

A recent lack of tit-for-tat bickering between local councillors has left St Neots free papers with a lack of publishable letters.

letterIndeed, the situation is so bad that in this weeks edition of the News, Crier and Something, there wasn’t a single letter from a councillor whinging about one of his or her colleagues.

Editor Matt Scottish said, “I actually published five or six letters from members of the public who are in no way involved in the council. If this continues, there’s a danger we’ll run out of mad people and have to print letters from ordinary, sane folk – and that would never do.”

Particularly absent recently has been madcap former council leader, Derek Miles. “Since I was diagnosed with ASS, I haven’t been allowed on the internet in case I caught an episode of Sunset Beach online.

“I realise you can write to the papers with a pen and paper, but that seems a bit odd these days doesn’t it?”

Scottish denied that he would simply start making letters up, but said that he may consider running a “best-of” series if things did not pick up soon. “Really what we need,” he said, “is something for the councillors to start squabbling over, like someone having the last cup of tea at a meeting or something/ That’d be a good four weeks’ material right there.”

Citizen Editor

The Citizen Editor lives in Citizen Towers, on the town’s luxurious Westside. Rumoured to be nearly thirty, he has claimed to be 23 for the last few years and is currently also a grotty tax-dodging student.

His hobbies involve upsetting small villages and repeatedly giving up smoking. He drinks approximately a gallon of tea every day.

Citizenship

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