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Thursday October 18th 2018

Local Rags Fear Closure

Local freebie newspapers the Hunts Post-It and News, Crier and Something were this week facing a bleak future after the much-maligned Guided Busway was completed.

Around 72% of the papers’ coverage has been made up of reports of the project for nearly three years, with the remainder covering missing cats and ugly babies.

But this week, contractors BAM! Nuts’n'all handed over the concrete monstrosity, which has overrun by two years. “It’s a happy day,” said a spokesman for Cambridgeshire County Council. “When this project started, the economy was booming and everyone had loads of money. Now, following a global recession which you may not have noticed, we’re all skint, and the completion of White Elephant Avenue is a much-needed ray of sunshine in an otherwise cloudy outlook.”

Cambridge residents were not so happy. David Morennes, of the city’s Gilbert Road, said “All this means is that St Ives and Huntingdon residents can get into Cambridge a little quicker. Let’s face it, no-one needs that.”

Former News. Crier & Something editor Matt Scottish, who now works somewhere beyond civilisation’s western boundary at the A1, said “There’s a real challenge here for my replacement. They’ll need to dig out some back issues and see what we used to report on before the busway.”

This reporter seems to remember it was mostly cats.

Francisco Sanchez

Francisco joined the team in March 2010, and quickly became one of the highest-contributing reporters whilst not actually writing any features.

Sanchez is a “militant smoker”, often lighting up in bars and restaurants and then running away as quickly as his wrinkled lungs allow, in a never-ending homage to Neg’s Urban Sports from an episode of Balls Of Steel.

He is also a militant car-parker, militant bus-passenger, militant pedestrian and militant toenail-picker.

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