Your Premier Local News Resource
Friday August 17th 2018

Locals Unaware Of Name Change

A recent survey has shown that almost 85% of Neotians are unaware that St Neots Community College has become Ernulf Academy.

The survey of a hundred people, conducted in December, revealed that 84.3% thought the Eastside school was still known by its old name, which confusingly was also Ernulf. Those who had realised that the school changed names in 2004, to attempt to disassociate itself from its perceived troubled past, did not know that the Ernulf moniker was reinstated last year.

“Frankly, I feel cheated,” said new Loves Farm mum Sheila Toshiba, 32. “When we moved to the town in 2009, I put young Alfie and Oliver into SNCC as I had heard good things about it. Well, actually, I hadn’t, but I’d heard bad things about Ernulf and just thought that either of the other schools would be better.”

Late last year, Toshiba realised that SNCC and Ernulf were in fact the same school, when the establishment reverted to it’s previous name. “I had hoped that the addition of the word ‘academy’ would make a difference,” said Toshiba’s husband Ken, “but it doesn’t appear to have changed a thing.”

Headteacher Bob Whatnow declined to comment, but was heard in passing to comment to his assistant, “Bugger, I thought we’d got a way with that.”

 

Francisco Sanchez

Francisco joined the team in March 2010, and quickly became one of the highest-contributing reporters whilst not actually writing any features.

Sanchez is a “militant smoker”, often lighting up in bars and restaurants and then running away as quickly as his wrinkled lungs allow, in a never-ending homage to Neg’s Urban Sports from an episode of Balls Of Steel.

He is also a militant car-parker, militant bus-passenger, militant pedestrian and militant toenail-picker.

Citizenship

    Leave a Comment

    More like this

    Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup
    Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

    Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

    Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”
    Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

    Local supermarket managers have spoken out about the recent spate of theft of sparkly French booze, revealing that the [Read More]

    Local Couple Not Planning Baby Or Cat
    Local Couple Not Planning Baby Or Cat

    An Eaton Ford couple have stunned friends and family by announcing that they do not intend to have children. The [Read More]

    Stealth Gippos Move In
    Stealth Gippos Move In

    St Neots residents working in north Cambridge were shocked yesterday by an email from security stating that travellers [Read More]

    Snow Is Conversation Topper
    Snow Is Conversation Topper

    Figures released today show that snow, ice, and existing in aforementioned conditions accounted for 82% of all [Read More]

    Microfiche

    Subscribe