Your Premier Local News Resource
Thursday October 19th 2017

Name Is Definitely Problem

letter-writing-image1Dear Sir,

I recently read your fine article about the late proliferation of equine sustenance available from that fine small business T.E.S. Cohen, plc, as well as a store named after a country, and several foreign ones with all the vowels in the wrong place.

I could not agree more with your reporter Señor Sanchez, and his interviewee, that perhaps the issue here is not the type of animal, but the name by which its tasty muscular offcuts are known.

I therefore propose a new name for horseburgers: Lorp. I suspect that, if marketed correctly, Irish and Dutch Lorp could become world-leaders in their category, much like Newmarket or Lincolnshire sausages, Gloucestershire pork, and eggs from chickens raised in Free Range, which I believe is a small borough located out in the Fens somewhere – but do excuse my rusty geography!

I have taken the liberty of trademarking the word Lorp and releasing it under a common license, so that anyone may produce a product of at least 65% horse, and name it thusly. I cannot wait for the first ever buy-one-get-one-free offer on ready-to-eat Lorp steaks at our local honest grocer – that of Mr Cohen, esquire, is sure to be the first to snap this quality new meat up – and the opening of a new KFL drive-through nearby.

Finally, the name comes with a ready-made marketing tag: “Why, I’m so hungry, I could eat a Lorp!”

Yours,
Miss J.A. Frenchinvader

Citizenship

    Leave a Comment

    More like this

    Snouting Scandal
    Snouting Scandal

    Dear sir, I am writing regarding recent Slazangé sponsor, Dr Tim Crevensman, your news paper is a relevent part of the [Read More]

    SunFest Is To Blame
    SunFest Is To Blame

    Dear Sir, I feel there is a rather obvious culprit for the appalling weather we’re currently experiencing. Some [Read More]

    Lack Of Superhighway Upsets Chavs
    Lack Of Superhighway Upsets Chavs

    New resident in town Chardonnay-Leigh bemoans the yet-unfinished bridge. Will it drag on as long as the busway? [Read More]

    Busway Enormous Disappointment
    Busway Enormous Disappointment

    Local man Hugh Ordinary tests out the "amazing concrete superbusway" [Read More]

    Microfiche

    Subscribe